How to Obtain and Check references..an addendum to Avoiding problem people.
Always talk to people face to face. email isn't enough anymore. what with sock-puppet profiles an’ all. IM Video chat is good for making sure you are talking to real people.. after an in person coffee meet in a mall food court.. or via a free VoiP acc... or meet at a local munch... and then check the references references.... seriously. you want to go one or two circles out just to be thorough. take the time, do it right the first time... and don’t look busy with the Healing of the breakage and scars left by people who play overly rough and break their toys. don’t look busy; do it right the first time.
ok, example time.
You, Exploring-self A meets Madame B. things seem pretty cool. talking all the right things. Madame B offers the ever cool references for you to email. .. umm.. not bad in itself. what’s needed here is a page from the P.I.’s handbook for cross-checking. you email these contacts, asking to meet at a Munch, a gathering of Fet-inclined people in a Mundane/Vanilla setting, or coffee./tea/bubble tea shoppe.. if they say, all good. go meet in a nice public place with quite spots. talk in code if you feel the need. whatever. quietly ask about the people this reference knows.. and then go find them. intro yourself.... and tell them you’re doing your homework on Madame B, who sent you to References C, D and E. who have in turned mentioned that they knew.. blah, blah, blah..make sure to cross t’s and dot i’s .. this is called being Factual and NOT paraphrasing, overly much, keep it to the basics and get the truthful skinny. because if C,D,E, F, & G all say much the same, all is golden. if there is discrepancies... all is not golden as Madame may have erred to the point you might want to season yourself with someone else. Same thing for Master Dom “says-he’s-Always-Right .. generally speaking, those who insist on Titles when you are not at a High-protocol Function are insecure or are concealing something... fakin’ it ‘till makin’ it happens just as much in the fetish scene as in sales and get rich scenarios, so a dollop of caution in a cup worth of research can save you some serious scars that you can do without.
The point is.. take your time. as long as it takes to investigate and do it right. Real Dominants, Dom/mes Masters/mistress’s will WAIT for you to reassure yourself and will be pleased that you have taken the time to make certain that you can place your trust in them fully, or to know the extent in which you can go.. and thus help them from causing Harm, permanent hurt, that they have no desire to do. real Dom/mes take good care of the one’s who Assent to their favorite activities. Being Educated is always a good idea!
What do you think about reference checking?
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